I have met a lot of ADHD People over the last couple of years. There are some that desperately need to be accepted by everyone and there are those who simply don’t give a shit if everyone accepts them or not. They are just content to be who, and what they are. It is with the, don’t give a shit crowd I find myself a part of today. For a child, I do understand the dilemma of needing to be accepted by everyone. I too was once this way.
As an adult I do not understand it. Why does anyone want to walk in a single file line if they are not obligated to do so? Why do people feel the need to appear proper or polished in the sight of complete and total strangers? It varies between two things; preference or fear.
My wife and I, live in a decent subdivision, and I am proud to be the only house on my block that has a black mailbox. All the other houses have white mailboxes as per the homeowner’s association covenant. What a bunch of bullshit this is. I don’t know who came up with the idea of a homeowner’s association, but I can tell you two things about them. One, they were not, and could not possibly have been ADHD, and two, they were complete assholes.
The most amazing thing to me is that it caught on. Ever wonder how it happened. I have a pretty good idea in my head so allow me to share this with you. A long time ago, there were two assholes, who lived next door to each other. They were sitting on their front porch, talking one evening. Their names were John and Ken, and their conversation went something like this:
John: Ken, ya know, we really have nice houses, you and me, don’t we.
Ken: Sure John I think they are the two nicest houses in Conformity Hills.
John: Right and I think all the houses should look like ours.
Ken: Yah. same color, same grass, same everything.
John: we don’t want some hot shot trying to show us up or some under achiever making us look bad.
Ken: Hey John, we can circulate a covenant and it will state everybody must do it our way, or be fined. They’ll have to learn our way
John: Or they will be shunned from the community. We can’t accept those people here. They can’t see things as we do. We will make things very difficult for them until they know how to behave or until they just leave our community.
The point of this was to illustrate how such a ridiculous notion might have come to be. There is only one reason for which people require people around them to mimic their behavior. They are simply afraid to be their own person or make their own decisions. Nobody has to have their own creativity or lack thereof challenged. No one has to be laughed at if nobody moves or speaks in a different direction. If everybody will just be content to be in the same place forever, then nobody has to venture out and be a pioneer.
Most people need some degree of acceptance. Most ADHD people need a great deal of it, but do we really need it from everybody? The most important people in our lives are our families. I think the second most important should be ourselves. Who we are, is what we do. You are unique as a result of the way you walk, talk, think, act, behave, and treat people. All these things make up the person you are.
Let’s say you meet a group of people, but in order to gain their acceptance, you have to walk, talk, think, act, behave, and treat people in a different way than you normally do. For you to fit in maybe you have to dress a certain way. You have to watch a certain TV show at night because that is what they want to talk about, and so on. Well, If you were to do all these things, and this resulted in your being considered a social equal among this group, would you consider yourself victorious? Some of you would.
This group of people did not accept you. They accepted the fictitious character you portrayed as you surrendered before there was even a conflict. This group without so much as an aggressive word had you admitting defeat before war was even declared. You became as a puppet on a string controlled by the almighty “Acceptance”; the most important thing in your life. I don’t imagine it feels as good as you hoped it would. You are now them. Congratulations.
I don’t judge you, or those of you who have found yourself there. I tried to get there myself but I just could not pull it off. I tried, and tried, but I was not convincing. This is the only difference between you and me. Neither of us were winners.
I am not only speaking about ADHD people. Believe it or not, sometimes ADHD people are accepted, and sometimes the people being shunned from a group don’t give a damn about shiny shit, or what’s going on outside the window.
What is different today? Today I am Tom Nardone. I am here to tell you what the enemy is. The enemy is not them they are assholes and they do not matter. The enemy is not you. You are awesome, and beautiful. The enemy is not ADHD. Let me say this again, so you won’t credit spellcheck with my words. The enemy is not ADHD. The enemy is “Giving a shit” The solution is simple STOP GIVING A SHIT! You have got to do this.
I can prove that it is easy, why do you think ADHD people are so good at it. You will remember, giving a shit about what this one group of people thought is what caused you to change everything that made you who you are. Giving a shit caused you to forsake the awesomeness that fuels you. Giving a shit is what can potentially break the hearts of the people who love the person you are now. It is a great injustice to turn your back on the people who accept you the way you are, for the sake of those who never will.
Giving a shit can come at a high price; may you never receive the bill.
I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.
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