The Laundry Code Has Been Cracked! | Let us lighten your load.

 “The Theory of Diminishing Filth”

In the  ADHD groups I am involved with, there are many discussions about day-to-day challenges. Laundry seems to be a big obstacle people  are having. The folks at ADHD People, and I have come up with a new theory that will revolutionize the task of doing laundry. We aren’t going to change the WAY you do your laundry. We are going to change the WHEN you do laundry. We are going to lighten your load so to speak.

Tom Nardone

 I am not the guy from where’s Waldo. I am Tom Nardone and it has been my pleasure to help you in the past. Some of you may remember my story entitled, The Theory of pants.  It is  now with great pleasure I present to you, our latest ground breaking discovery the “The Theory of Diminishing Filth”

I think before we determine how to manage our laundry, we must first determine what causes laundry to be necessary in the first place. The reason of course is simple; our bodies.

Our bodies emit a foul odor when we perspire and this causes our clothes to be very unpleasant and malodorous.  While accidents and spills also contribute, this accounts for less than 1% of the total laundry demand in a family of five.

Your body perspires to cool itself. In the winter months, this does not happen nearly as much in the summer. We just perspire less in the winter, or perhaps sometimes not at all. No perspiration equals no emission of foul odors. All of this results in the need for clothes to be laundered to be significantly diminished.


Courtesy of Sarah Kearns of New Zealand

Does this look familiar? Winter brings more laundry long pants long sleeve shirts and it is very taxing on the person who does the laundry. The piles seem to get bigger and bigger and it happens much faster.   At times there seems to be no end in sight.  It is overwhelming, but it no longer has to be. We at ADHD People have heard you, and we are certain many of you will benefit from our discovery.

Our studies have shown people who are in colder temperatures,  have been able to wear items for as long as 5-30 days in a row without the need to wash them. The fact that they are not perspiring negates the need for them to spend hours in the laundry room.  We realize this research is a little difficult to just accept blindly. We would not ask you to take our word for it. 

For this case study, we found three men who agreed to put this theory to the test. allow us to introduce them.

Meet Tim Harring

Tim Harring – Artist

I have been a believer in Tom Nardone’s “Theory of Pants” for over a year now. So when Him and ADHD People came to me I said Hell yes I’ll try it. I have been wearing the clothes you see for 15 days straight. All I had to do was shut off the heat and the magic began . for over two weeks my art studio has hasn’t seen temps above 40º, and I haven’t seen the inside of my closet. Thanks ADHD People.

Tim Harring, Hartford CT

Meet Detective Iam Ba Dass

Det. Iam Ba Dass

I have never heard of Tom Nardone or ADHD People, and when they explained this to me I told’em to get lost. I decided to help’em out when they told me how it would help moms across the country save money and spend more time with their kids.

I gotta tell you I am a believer 17 days and I promise you being a detective on the streets of  New York, I have never felt fresher. Thanks ADHD People.

Iam Ba Dass – New York, New York

Meet Larry Wilson

Larry Wilson

I work in a freezer for 10 hours a day. When ADHD People Came to me and told be about this new theory, I figured Hell I’m in the cold all day anyway. I thought maybe I save a little money by not doing laundry. I had my doubts, but 20º, and 24 days later,  I look and feel  as crisp as a spring morning.  Thank You ADHD People.

Larry Wilson – SanFransisco,CA

Most people will not be able to go  fifteen, Seventeen, or even twenty-four days. The temperature is the determining factor. We have come up with a temperature index, and we are confident that by using this chart you can maximize your savings without your quality of life taking a hit. see Table A

Table A

The money you will save will far outweigh any reservations you may have about implementing this. People generally don’t think in this manner, but when you crunch the numbers, this is where the light comes on. We have done this for you.  

If you own 5 pairs of pants, 10 shirts, and 25 pairs of socks, you could go the entire winter without doing a single load of laundry (excluding underwear). You would do NO laundry until winter was over, and then you could get it all done 5 loads or less depending on the size of your washer. In addition, you are saving power, water, time and the cost of soap. We have determined the savings alone would pay for a brand new television set every single year. We have been unable to come up with a single downside to this method.

We thank you for your time. We at ADHD People sincerely hope this will be help to you.

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.

      • tom nardone dusterIf you would like to be notified of future stories, you can join the I Am Tom Nardone Facebook Group by clicking HERE. or ADHDpeople Here
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About Tom Nardone

I write about everything that I can find humor in. I don't write about politics because I don't care what group of people are chosen to destroy this country. There are enough people doing that anyway.
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13 Responses to The Laundry Code Has Been Cracked! | Let us lighten your load.

  1. ksbeth says:

    now, this is a bit of math i can get behind and understand. with the way michigan is going, i figured it out and i won’t have to do any laundry until august of 2015! thanks tomnardone!

  2. xtrememom says:

    I like it to the moon and back as the person DOING the laundry, but slightly less as an innocent civilian stuck on a crowded bus of enthusiastic laundry protestors.

    Although, during allergy season when I’m congested… well, why even bother?

  3. Jade Reyner says:

    Thank you so much for this useful tip Tom, however, here in the UK we do not have the extremes of temperature that you refer to which means that our perspiration is relatively constant throughout the year. It is therefore not really possible for us to implement such a scheme but being the small yet nonetheless resourceful country that we are, we have come up with our own solution which I believe that most of my fellow countrymen find satisfactory. As you are no doubt aware, we all live in mansions over here and thus, we simply hire staff. This is an extremely workable solution we have found. 😀

  4. Agent 54 says:

    Tom, I fart. I fart a lot. How does all that farting effect the equations and calculations?

  5. There is only me, I don’t mind laundry. I send most of mine out anyway. You didn’t talk about sheets, towels; what about them?

    It is an interesting concept, but what about teenagers they are kinda dirty you know.

    • Val sheets never need to be washed. It is a personal preference. Most people first thing out of bed take a shower so you know good rule of thumb is if the smell keeps you awake wash the sheets

  6. Phil Blakely says:

    I think I am way ahead of you on this. I still have shorts in my hamper from last summer waiting to make it to the wash. I never throw underwear away. A worn out pair with holes will always trump a dirty pair that was involved in a “accident.”

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