Tom is the kindest smartest and funniest person I have ever met. He cares so much about kids and adults who have ADHD. You guys just dont know how excited he gets when people read him. Each time is no different than the first time. Tom and have a great thing, and although constantly disagree we seldom fight. Tom is my Best friend and husband and I’m proud to call him that. BUT,
He can really be a pain in my ass. Tom is unique, he claims he is so busy that he doesn’t have time to prepare his food. So he will eat abnormal portions of readily available food. Once he came home from work and thought warming leftovers to cumbersome so he took my entire fruit bowl upstairs and ate it. Who in the Hell, eats a bunch of bananas and half-dozen apples in one sitting?
Sometimes he does cook. Here are some of his specialties. He sometimes cooks instant mashed potatoes, serving for eight. He will microwave thirty two ounces of beans at a time. I have seen him make four peanut butter sandwiches. I recently purchased him his own three qt. casserole dish to stop him from using mine for his cereal. He also will frequently eat from a pot and claim that it prevents dishes from getting dirty unnecessarily (real classy Tom). Tom says eating is just a pain in his ass and he doesn’t feel it important that he enjoy everything he eats. He says he just wants to make the hunger go away so he can do something else.
I no longer allow Tom to cook fresh or frozen meat. I once went to the grocery store and bought six pounds of ground beef on sale. I asked Tom. “Hey babe can you make up some hamburgers and put them on the grill while I’m in the shower, so we can eat lunch?” Tom says “Sure darling, you bet.”
When I came back into the kitchen, Tom was walking in from the back porch with a big smile on his face, and a giant plate full of hamburgers. Yes! Mr Awesome made hamburgers using the entire six pound pack. I bought six pounds of ground beef for meals for the week, but he turned the whole thing into 19 hamburger patties. We were the only people home that day. I asked him if he was crazy to do something like that. He actually said to me (and I’m not kidding) “Hey darlin, calm down it’s only Friday I’ll have every one of these eaten before the weekend is over.” I then scolded him a second time, and he got his feelings hurt, so he like a child said, “Well now I am not hungry. You have upset me and now I can’t eat”
I SNAPPED. I took the whole plate full of hamburgers out of his hands, and threw them into the kitchen garbage can, plate and all. I stormed off to my bedroom. As soon as I got to my bedroom, I realized wait this is “Tom Nardone”. The man that “always wins”, you know “Mr. resourceful”. I knew he would just fish them out of the trash and eat them anyway. I went back into the kitchen, and there he was staring into the garbage can like a hungry stray dog. I took the bag out of the can and added to it, the contents of the cat’s litter box. I then tied the bag looked him right in the eye, as I violently began shaking the bag so that he would not find any edible hamburgers in there. I knew it was the only way he would know to not even try to salvage it. Through my whole fit of rage he said nothing. He just stood there like an idiot with his mouth open in disbelief. He was smart enough not to talk.
This was quite a while ago. I suppose Tom has warn me down and I have began to just let things slide. I haven’t gone psycho on him for quite some time now. I am rather proud of him, and I have learned to laugh at this kind of thing. I think one of Tom’s favorite idioms is most appropriate for himself. “Well, the fleas come with the dog.”
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