ADHD People: Sometimes, It’s Not Your Fault.

shit-storm -tom-nardoneSometimes, bad things happen to people who are not ADHD. Difficult as this may seem, non-ADHD people get divorced, are fired from jobs, get kicked out of their houses or apartments, and have car crashes. Yes, they too will at times receive the shit end of the stick, and it might even be something for which they are the cause. ADHD People are not the only ones weathering the storms of life.

My wife, in my previous marriage, felt everything was my fault. The house rule seemed to be, “Tom is ADHD so Tom is wrong”. She felt she was right during every dispute we had, simply by default. Her reasoning was simple enough. Any conflict we had was simply me having difficulty dealing with my ADHD.

tom-nardone-arguementShe would say, “Now Tom, you are just being irritable and we both know this is a result of your ADHD. Have you taken your meds?” This was said to me anytime I got angry about anything. I will concede, irritability is a symptom of ADHD. However, I also concede, assuming your husband’s ADHD is the cause of everything that makes you angry, is a symptom of being a spiteful bitch.

ADHD or not, people will experience Irritability at some point in their lives. Being irritable is a symptom, but there are many symptoms of being ADHD, and everyone will exhibit these characteristics at one time or another. Everybody has found themselves daydreaming, blurting out something inappropriate or not finishing what they started. None of which, are an automatic diagnosis.

My point is when ADHD people exhibit characteristics for which they are known, it does not necessarily mean that particular behavior is a result of their ADHD every time they exhibit these characteristics. That sentence was hard to write, and may be difficult to understand. That is OK. Allow me to paint you a picture

Scenario 1 of 1

TOM-NARDONE-angry plumberA man has worked all week for sixty plus hours at his very stressful job as a plumber. He has been driving all over town fixing pipes that have burst after a period of cold weather and snowfall. The day finally comes when he gets home and has a day off. He gets off work, and comes home. As he is sitting down to finally relax and enjoy his dinner, his idiot son is in the kitchen playing around and loses his balance while standing in front of the sink. His son, not realizing his cracked head is preferable to a leaky faucet, grabs hold of the handle  regain his balance and breaks the faucet, causing water to spray all over the kitchen.

The man quickly jumps up, shuts off the water. TOM-NARDONE-kid paintingHe wraps his dinner up, and runs out to the Home Depot and buys the parts he needs to fix the sink. When he arrives back home, he immediately begins fixing what his son has destroyed. His wife, who is fully aware of all that has happened, and who can clearly see the world of shit this man is in, is then reminded about some other things around the house that could use his attention.

His wife, who sadly was born without a brain or an ounce of empathy, chooses this particular time to mention the lawnmower is broken, the washing machine is acting up and the condition of the yard is not acceptable. Upon hearing this nonsense, the man stops what he is doing turns to his wife and politely says, “Darling, I am working on the sink right now. Can I please just get this finished, so I can get back to enjoying my time off from work. I just need some quiet please dear”. His wife goes silent and walks out of the room. The man notes her exit, as a small victory or shelter from his current aggrevation still plaguing him. This victory is short-lived when his wife comes back into the kitchen.

She says, “Well I don’t know why you have to be so mean, and nasty when I talk to you. OH and by the way there is something wrong with my cell phone. How much longer is this going to take because I have to make ca…”

**HELL UNLEASHES**

“AHHHHHHHH! Everybody in this son of a bitching house, who is not a plumbing expert or an asshole, get the Hell out of my sight right now right now! I am implementing a new house rule. From now on:

 One Shit at a Time!

 If anybody ever breaks this rule again I will invoke the great and powers of Zeus himself and rain down a shit-storm on the house, the likes of which, man has never seen!  ”

OK. Here is the question. Is this man ADHD? I don’t know. Maybe he is or maybe he isn’t. Let’s just assume he is for the sake of this story, he is ADHD. Is it really fair to blame this man’s ADHD on this insane outburst? No it is not fair. I don’t care if you are ADHD, Bipolar or the living embodiment of all things sane. This scenario is not indicative of any problem he may have, except a son who cannot think, and an inconsiderate wife. They don’t make pills for that shit.

My point is sometimes people who have or do not have ADHD, have family members whose stupidity appears as a conspiracy to make them miserable, and it’s not just their families. Sometimes this happens at work, at play, or anywhere people find themselves among one another. Normal everyday inconveniences are to be expected in life. It is the inability to deal with these things that can be attributed to ADHD, but sometimes, the world seems to just has a hunger to watch you cry.

TOM-NARDONE-shit-storm

Sometimes the world gives you a bad hand and decides to just stick one in you, and break it off inside. The fury and fires of Hell are called forth as you innocently try to sneak through your day without any drama, but you cannot. You cannot because we have had our hands chopped off and the world shouts in our faces as it commands us to clap louder. We are sometimes faced with a battle, which cannot be won. When we are faced with this circumstance, we have but one thing left to lose; our composure.

There is nothing wrong with losing your composure; in fact, you owe it to yourself and the world to raise hell. There is no reason to mask your anger for the comfort of these dealers of disappointment. Your comfort is the most important thing after all. Masking your anger serves only to encourage others to continue in the behavior that makes you unhappy. Anger is a message delivered with passion and intensity.

I would encourage you to make the actions of those making you miserable so uncomfortable they would rather do anything than put themselves through it. Raise Hell and shout. Break shit if you must. If you love someone then love them enough to help them be as good of a husband, wife, son, daughter, friend or human being as you are. Love yourself enough not be marched upon by those using the acronym you have been given as there license to own you.

Maybe it isn’t your ADHD this time. It just might be that you are surrounded by assholes.

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.

tom-nardone-dusterIf you would like to be notified of future stories, you can join the I Am Tom Nardone Facebook Group by clicking HERE. or ADHD People Group Here

Or you can enter you email address at the top of this page and click the button that says “BE AWESOME” 

or you could just leaving and risk never again hearing the benefit of my counsel again, but what would be the fun in that?
you can also find me on twitter @tomnardonehere or@adhdpeople

Advertisements

About Tom Nardone

I write about everything that I can find humor in. I don't write about politics because I don't care what group of people are chosen to destroy this country. There are enough people doing that anyway.
This entry was posted in ADHD and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to ADHD People: Sometimes, It’s Not Your Fault.

  1. There is a five-inch hole in the drywall in our hallway (now covered with one of my daughter’s paintings) where, two years ago, I put my fist through it due to a scenario eerily similar to the one you described. I am a bit ashamed at losing my composure (something I prefer to keep as much as possible) but am not sorry about the fact that sometimes I have the right to shout “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!” I don’t like being pushed to the point of becoming an asshole in front of the ones I love, but the fact that I usually keep it together during rough times makes others realize that 1) I’m really a good guy and much more pleasant to be around when not being bombarded with drama, and 2) when pushed beyond my limits I can call on my inner asshole, and nobody (including myself) enjoys seeing it unleashed. And 3) sometimes you have to be one a few times so you don’t have to be one all the time, so peace and tranquility will reign (most of the time). That was sorta my dad’s philosophy, too.

  2. Amanda says:

    OMG Tom I absolutely love the pictures in your article. Pure awesomeoness, my friend 🙂

  3. Jackie Marie says:

    Don’t you just love it when people like to bring up all of your mistakes when you’re already feeling super irritable? How frustrating! Believe me, I screw things up a lot and can totally relate.

    I like the shit cloud too. Nice touch.

  4. Gray Dawster says:

    I know what you mean Tom and you are right, those assholes are everywhere regardless of what we do, so shout, kick and scream, even show your ass if need be but they need to be put in their place.

    Being a genius is hard enough without some jerkoff getting on our parade. Ah that’s better, now let’s have a couple of chilled beers and relax 🙂 “Come on slave, where’s our beers?” lol

    Joking aside I guess ADHD or not we all get those heated moments but then it would be nice if the dummies dishing out the crap could recognise when they are being assholes, and that it isn’t anything else causing our frustrations.

    This is yet another attention grabbing posting by Tom Nardone, our blogging genius, hero, and great friend. Simply put, he is awesome 🙂

    Andro

    • Andro thanks for reading my friend. You are like a I thought of yu today as a was pondering a title for my book. I might be zeroing in on it finally. So glad you had a good time. You are a prince Andro. But a prince that slays dragons.

  5. Margie says:

    Being ADHD and female I can clearly tell you that sometimes my irritability is the direct result of my period… or something like that.

  6. Andrew says:

    Tom, you are my brother from another mother. And we live parallel yet separate lives.

  7. Karen says:

    Inconsiderate bitch, YES, the boy just young stupidity!! However sometimes PMS does play a role in this or just maybe the bitch has ADHD as well 😉 and forgets that you do too

  8. A.J. Goode says:

    Tom, the woman’s version of that story goes something like this: Wifey is trotting back and forth from the grill outside the back door to the stove in the kitchen, cooking dinner after working all day. Kid #1 is crying because she needs a nap, #2 is screaming because his diaper is poopy, so now Wifey has to soothe #1 while changing #2, and the smoke detector goes off because dinner is burning . . . While Hubby reads the paper and complains about the noise . . .when Wifey begs for a little help, he says, “help you do what? Burn dinner?”

    At this point, Wifey bursts into tears and flies into a rage, and what does the big man say? “Geez, are you off your meds today?” Or “Are you on your period?”

    You are absolutely right — when we blow up, it isn’t always because of ADHD. Sometimes it’s a justifiable explosion due to the inconsiderate jackwagons around us.

  9. Olga says:

    And yes, today has been a shithole day. Missing file on my computer deemed system error. I refuse to wake up at 3:00 am to think about where it went. I was assured there was nothing I did to lose it.

  10. andreanordstrom says:

    Amen! And yeehaw! Thanks for this awesome post Tom. I hate it when people think that they can take you task on every mistake you make because you have ADHD. Just because our “deficits” are obvious, doesn’t mean that they override everyone else’s flaws. I think your post provides a much needed catharsis for all of us!

  11. ksbeth says:

    ‘Maybe it isn’t your ADHD this time. It just might be that you are surrounded by assholes.’
    this should be a t-shirt, tomnardone. i would buy it and wear it with pride.

    i am so mad i missed your broadcast. i tried to tune in using 2 coconuts and a string like on gilligan’s island, but it wouldn’t work. can you send a link so i can listen to it after the fact?

    • I will see about a t-shirt for you, HAHAHA. As far as the radio show it went fantastic. if you go to tomnardone.net, just click the image link in the upper right hand corner

      • ksbeth says:

        cool, thanks tomnardone. i’ll give it a listen and leave you my usual pile of comments

        • I am sincere when i say I anxiously await them.

        • ksbeth says:

          that was so damn funny and i had to laugh at myself ‘cuz as i listened i drifted from one project to another, and heard you say how it was hard to stay focused. great southern accent, for some reason i imagined you with a bronx accent even though i know you are from the south. what a great way to spend a snow day afternoon. getting nothing done and listening to you explain how you will work hard to make sure you don’t have to get anything done. you were a great guest, tomnardone.

        • I am so glad you took the time to listen Beth. I had so much fun on that show. I was thrilled to be asked back and even more so to know it will be Yvonne and I together on the air. I think the next one with Yvonne will blow the doors off the one you just heard.

        • ksbeth says:

          i’m sure it will, to hear your interaction would be a riot i’m sure )

  12. Of course I’m surrounded by assholes! By design! I love assholes! That’s why I love you! 😉

    p}!{k

  13. “assuming your husband’s ADHD is the cause of everything in his life that makes him angry, is a symptom of being a spiteful bitch.”

    That Tom is my favorite line in here. You have absolutely nailed it, none of us are free from the occasional loss of temper. Spite, mean or whatever is simply a human condition, isn’t it?

  14. I won the “wife lottery” when it comes to marrying someone who truly understands the AD(H)D condition. She has a background in psychology, so she understands and recognizes when my ADD is interfering with my day to day functions. I don’t like to blame my shortcomings on the condition, but let’s be real – ADD DOES impact every aspect of our lives! She’s been with me for over ten years and ADD has actually become a running joke between us. It’s like when I rolled out of bed in my PJ’s the Saturday after New Year’s Day this year and, on my way to the shower, I decided to remove the tinsel and lights from the bannister! She laughed her ass off and, when I realized that I was exemplifying ADD behavior, I laughed my ass off, too!

  15. Pingback: Tom Nardone | ADHD People: Sometimes It’s Not Their Fault «

  16. Gina Hoff says:

    Ok. First off, this was an awesome article or blog post? Whatever I am supposed to call it because I’m pretty new to commenting on stuff but I have a question… What do you do if your spouse (in my case my husband of 15 years), does not, at all, believe that ADHD is even a real condition, disorder, whatever you want to call it and, OH…and that I don’t have it anyway (I’m just a depressed nag and a *bitch… He of course does not call me that to my face! I would hate it for him if he did! lol) Anyway, the more you try and “convince” someone that the reason that ADHD is the reason for this, this and that…Which sounds like I’m making excuses for myself and hey…maybe I am but not on purpose. It’s just hard when I’m the “highstrung, stressed out person” that can’t understand why it’s so hard to throw the banana peel (soda cans, etc from the living room end table) in the trash…HE is the laid back, life is good, laughing at stupid shows on tv, while I’m franticially looking at our home in dismay wondering why they don’t care or listen to my “obvious” voice of reason… (oh, I’m the only female in my household…3 sons, husband…heck, the dog and cat are male!) I’m tired of apologizing every other day…seriously…Any insight is appreciated 🙂 Thanks for reading. Sorry for me being long-winded… 😦

    • Gina I want to give you a proper response but sadly I am at work right now. I will respond later today. In the mean time perhaps you should read an article I wrote called “Oh no! They don’t believe I am adhd. ”

      Also I will be on a podcast tomorrow night if you care to listen it will be hysterically funny I promise. Because I am Tom Nardone. You are a fantastic commenter by the way. Thanks for reading me. You can send me an FB friend request if you like and I will send you a link to the show if you wish.

  17. great post Tom! Makes me want to go write one on my family issues with treating me like a fucking patient. We’ve had so many fights, and we’re all equally wrong, but I’m the more…passionate one–but they take their slams with the eye rolls and dismissive shake of their heads. I’ve had enough. You’re spot-on. Thank you.

  18. Danielle says:

    I can totally relate to this. Especially right now. Some of us are dealt a shit hand in 5 card draw, keep the two decent ones we have, and end up with worse cards than the 3 we traded. But we find the good in that hand and play the cards we have and actually win a little. As a group, we are a tough bunch and I applaud us for that.

this is where your comment goes

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s