Sometimes, bad things happen to people who are not ADHD. Difficult as this may seem, non-ADHD people get divorced, are fired from jobs, get kicked out of their houses or apartments, and have car crashes. Yes, they too will at times receive the shit end of the stick, and it might even be something for which they are the cause. ADHD People are not the only ones weathering the storms of life.
My wife, in my previous marriage, felt everything was my fault. The house rule seemed to be, “Tom is ADHD so Tom is wrong”. She felt she was right during every dispute we had, simply by default. Her reasoning was simple enough. Any conflict we had was simply me having difficulty dealing with my ADHD.
She would say, “Now Tom, you are just being irritable and we both know this is a result of your ADHD. Have you taken your meds?” This was said to me anytime I got angry about anything. I will concede, irritability is a symptom of ADHD. However, I also concede, assuming your husband’s ADHD is the cause of everything that makes you angry, is a symptom of being a spiteful bitch.
ADHD or not, people will experience Irritability at some point in their lives. Being irritable is a symptom, but there are many symptoms of being ADHD, and everyone will exhibit these characteristics at one time or another. Everybody has found themselves daydreaming, blurting out something inappropriate or not finishing what they started. None of which, are an automatic diagnosis.
My point is when ADHD people exhibit characteristics for which they are known, it does not necessarily mean that particular behavior is a result of their ADHD every time they exhibit these characteristics. That sentence was hard to write, and may be difficult to understand. That is OK. Allow me to paint you a picture
Scenario 1 of 1
A man has worked all week for sixty plus hours at his very stressful job as a plumber. He has been driving all over town fixing pipes that have burst after a period of cold weather and snowfall. The day finally comes when he gets home and has a day off. He gets off work, and comes home. As he is sitting down to finally relax and enjoy his dinner, his idiot son is in the kitchen playing around and loses his balance while standing in front of the sink. His son, not realizing his cracked head is preferable to a leaky faucet, grabs hold of the handle regain his balance and breaks the faucet, causing water to spray all over the kitchen.
The man quickly jumps up, shuts off the water. He wraps his dinner up, and runs out to the Home Depot and buys the parts he needs to fix the sink. When he arrives back home, he immediately begins fixing what his son has destroyed. His wife, who is fully aware of all that has happened, and who can clearly see the world of shit this man is in, is then reminded about some other things around the house that could use his attention.
His wife, who sadly was born without a brain or an ounce of empathy, chooses this particular time to mention the lawnmower is broken, the washing machine is acting up and the condition of the yard is not acceptable. Upon hearing this nonsense, the man stops what he is doing turns to his wife and politely says, “Darling, I am working on the sink right now. Can I please just get this finished, so I can get back to enjoying my time off from work. I just need some quiet please dear”. His wife goes silent and walks out of the room. The man notes her exit, as a small victory or shelter from his current aggrevation still plaguing him. This victory is short-lived when his wife comes back into the kitchen.
She says, “Well I don’t know why you have to be so mean, and nasty when I talk to you. OH and by the way there is something wrong with my cell phone. How much longer is this going to take because I have to make ca…”
“AHHHHHHHH! Everybody in this son of a bitching house, who is not a plumbing expert or an asshole, get the Hell out of my sight right now right now! I am implementing a new house rule. From now on:
One Shit at a Time!
If anybody ever breaks this rule again I will invoke the great and powers of Zeus himself and rain down a shit-storm on the house, the likes of which, man has never seen! ”
OK. Here is the question. Is this man ADHD? I don’t know. Maybe he is or maybe he isn’t. Let’s just assume he is for the sake of this story, he is ADHD. Is it really fair to blame this man’s ADHD on this insane outburst? No it is not fair. I don’t care if you are ADHD, Bipolar or the living embodiment of all things sane. This scenario is not indicative of any problem he may have, except a son who cannot think, and an inconsiderate wife. They don’t make pills for that shit.
My point is sometimes people who have or do not have ADHD, have family members whose stupidity appears as a conspiracy to make them miserable, and it’s not just their families. Sometimes this happens at work, at play, or anywhere people find themselves among one another. Normal everyday inconveniences are to be expected in life. It is the inability to deal with these things that can be attributed to ADHD, but sometimes, the world seems to just has a hunger to watch you cry.
Sometimes the world gives you a bad hand and decides to just stick one in you, and break it off inside. The fury and fires of Hell are called forth as you innocently try to sneak through your day without any drama, but you cannot. You cannot because we have had our hands chopped off and the world shouts in our faces as it commands us to clap louder. We are sometimes faced with a battle, which cannot be won. When we are faced with this circumstance, we have but one thing left to lose; our composure.
There is nothing wrong with losing your composure; in fact, you owe it to yourself and the world to raise hell. There is no reason to mask your anger for the comfort of these dealers of disappointment. Your comfort is the most important thing after all. Masking your anger serves only to encourage others to continue in the behavior that makes you unhappy. Anger is a message delivered with passion and intensity.
I would encourage you to make the actions of those making you miserable so uncomfortable they would rather do anything than put themselves through it. Raise Hell and shout. Break shit if you must. If you love someone then love them enough to help them be as good of a husband, wife, son, daughter, friend or human being as you are. Love yourself enough not be marched upon by those using the acronym you have been given as there license to own you.
Maybe it isn’t your ADHD this time. It just might be that you are surrounded by assholes.
I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.
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