ADHD People, We Make Fine Marriage Partners

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An ADHD Marriage

My wife Yvonne and I have been together for ten years and I could not imagine being with anyone else. I put her needs before my own and neither I, nor she have to work at it. It just happens purely by instinct. We have what you might call an ADHD marriage, I am ADHD and she is ADHD. We do not work at our marriage because we are the best of friends. The two of us genuinely have a need to see the other happy as often as possible. When one of us is unhappy the other can find no comfort.

I believe myself to be incapable of marital infidelity, but I got to thinking how in the Hell is it possible for a man with ADHD to have a woman on the side, so-to-speak. It makes no sense and it defies much of what I know about ADHD.

You have already put in the work.

Marriage happens in most cases following a series of specific events. Two people meet, they get to know each other, and the man gets up the courage to ask the woman out. For a year or so, they go out to eat, they go to movies, and they go shopping, and do things together. Eventually he proposes and she says yes, and blah blah blah, a bunch of money, decorations, and a big white cake later they are married.

I don’t even know how I managed to do all those things, but don’t you worry, there done. It inspires me that anyone with ADHD would go through the horseshit of dating, and many of us not only go through it, but follow through and see it to the end.

As I said I love my wife, but even if I did not, I would never be unfaithful. I would not shit-can all the effort I put into making these things happen and have to go through the whole process again because shit on that. It is just too much work. This is why I stayed with my first wife for so long. My desire to be lazy was greater than my desire to be happy. Apparently I was willing to deal with a constant pain in my ass as long as it was sitting down in a chair. Perhaps an ADHD spouse in some cases is just too lazy to be unfaithful.

Do you hate yourself ?

If you are married and you are ADHD then you have gone through an unthinkable amount of pain in your ass to get there, but getting married is the easy part. Being married and staying married can also be a challenge. This is another reason I do not understand why someone with ADHD would cheat on their spouse. If you are a man and you take up with a woman on the side, you cannot imagine what you are getting yourself into. If you are ADHD, chances are pretty good this will likely be something else at which you suck. If you can’t keep track of your keys, than you probably wont be able to keep track of your women.

It is just simple mathematics. Two women is twice the normal amount of women for one man. That is twice the gifts, twice the nagging, twice the pain in the ass, twice the complaining to listen to, and twice the things you must remember. It takes a special person to attempt such a thing because you have to be twice the asshole. I don’t publicly judge people but I will say, without apology, if you are a person with a faithful spouse and/or kids, then your current extramarital affair disqualifies you from being my friend. How could I trust a person who cannot be honest with his or her own family, to be honest with me?

Free advice, from Tom Nardone

I never was one to say, ” I’ll never get married again.”, after my first wife hauled ass on me. I would not want to be with any woman unless we were married. I guess I need that level of commitment. I don’t want to let someone get that close to me, unless it is somewhat difficult for them to leave. Perhaps I am a little insecure in this regard, so be it. I am married and I love it. Yvonne is the greatest wife for me in the whole world, and no other woman has a chance. No matter what they are, they will never be Yvonne.

During the dating phase, be the person you are. There is no reason to bullshit the person with whom you could potentially have a future. Hell, I showed up at my first date with Yvonne wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. I did not do it for show; I did not even consider what I wore. She didn’t say a word about my clothes. I am not suggesting you wear a onesie, or a batman outfit for all of your dates, but if you will be the person you are then no one will ever expect more from you. This will help to prevent you from disappointing them down the road. You let them know from the start who and what you are.

If you try to be the person you think they will like, then you are destined for failure. You might think it is a fun game for a while but it is just middle school bullshit. Trust me, you do not have what it takes to be this other person for the long term, and you will fail and then you will stop giving a shit. If you are an asshole, you need to be an asshole during the dating process. If you forget something important, say you forgot something inportant. Tell the truth. If they stick around then you have something great. If they leave then you avoided a catastrophe down the road.

Many ADHD people do this. We are afraid, or just tired of being alone, but if you are married you know there is no worse feeling of loneliness, than the silence that follows a fight with a person you love.

You cannot and you will not serve two masters. Serve yourself and if this also satisfies the needs of the other person, than you both may have something very special someday. It is my hope if you are not already there, you someday soon will be.

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.


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About Tom Nardone

I write about everything that I can find humor in. I don't write about politics because I don't care what group of people are chosen to destroy this country. There are enough people doing that anyway.
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11 Responses to ADHD People, We Make Fine Marriage Partners

  1. I don’t have the energy level to cheat, lie or sneak around on my guy either. You are right about being yourself from the beginning. It’s hard but so important to do for the “reals” in a relationship! Thanks, Tom.

  2. ksbeth says:

    i understand and this gives me hope, tomnardone, that there really is a match out there for me. i always laugh when on a date and they ask if i’m seeing other men. i just say, ‘there’s no way i could handle the logistics involved. it was all i could do to get here today, in the right place at the right time and remembering your name. i would not be a good date juggler.’ i’m happy you and yvonne have found each other, tomnardone.

  3. I’m with you on the unfaithfulness disqualifying someone as a friend part. I take it one step further (with the disclaimer that there are always two sides to a story) – anyone that can’t treat their spouse and/or kids with at least a modicum of love and respect is unworthy of my friendship. You’ll get cordiality out of me if you’re lucky, but not much more. And I’m also of the belief that even if you aren’t ADHD, you can cover or lie about infidelity for only so long before it all unravels, and it’s too much work to keep it together for even that long.

  4. Where were you 14 years ago? I so needed this advice! Fortunately I have recently learned some of this and things are on the upswing. 🙂 Another bit of genius from Mr. Nardone. Love ya tons! p}!{k

  5. I may not cheat ( you’re right; who could remember and deal with all you have to in order to swing that one). But, I’m the first to admit that I am also not the best, loving wife i could be. I forget that he needs encouragement just like anyone else. Me, I like solitude a lot of times. Ironic. I have extreme ADHD but Im also, intrinsically, an inyrovert. He says I remind him of a cat. Which is funny because I dont like cats! Lol! 🙂 Great article , Tom! 🙂

  6. I read this with fascination, I am fairly certain it applies to everyone. Though potentially it doesn’t apply in the same way. Wonderful advice.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I broke up with my girlfriend last 2 months due to many misunderstandings i was fighting so hard to get her back. none of her friends would give me any information about her. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get her back then a friend recommended me to contact (robinsonbuckler@yahoo. com) that he will help me and as my friend said, Mr robinson helped me to bring back my girlfriend just in 3 days, I now have her back and this is the biggest joy of my life

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