What if as the sun went down on Mother Earth. There was a worldwide outbreak of a new virus we will call. The ADHD Virus. The entire world woke up the following morning with ADHD. Ladies and Gentleman, I am Tom Nardone. Welcome to
I woke up and went to work and when I got there, I discovered I was curiously not such a big deal anymore. Things were being done in new and different ways, but nobody was asking me for the answers. When issues came up requiring problem solving, everyone had useful and helpful ideas to add and I had to wait my turn to speak. I did not get to submit what I thought because the decision was made before my input was needed.
Customers came into the store, and they did not need the benefit of my counsel. They were able to figure things out for themselves. They walked from the plumbing department, to electrical and to paint, and bought their products, needing very little help from me. They had their own ideas about how to fix problems in their home. Some of them even had the gall to give me tips, as if I had never thought of them before, but some of them, I had not. My ability to solve problems and help people understand things was no longer needed. They no longer had any relevance. I could not seem to make a single difference in one person’s life.
Finally lunch came and I entered the break room and sat with a group of my friends, but overnight they all developed a sense of humor, and were keeping each other pretty entertained. I was dumbfounded. I sat there and just listened. I spoke and they laughed at my jokes too, but it wasn’t the same. I was used to being the center of attention as I gave my unlikely anecdotes to the amazement and awe of the non-ADHD world. I took great pride in being the man who provided the world with entertainment. It appears everyone is now stepping on my gig.
I drove home not feeling at all fulfilled. I was depressed. I spent nine hours at my place of employment and I did not even get to be Tom Nardone.
When I walked into the house at least things with my wife and son were good. I wasn’t worried about my family. My wife was already ADHD and she has anxiety. When you factor in my son’s being bipolar, it is a regular potpourri of mental disorders. The house was in disarray, there was no food but every TV set we own was turned on with the volume at full blast, and the laundry room was full. Ahhhh! home sweet home.
The trouble began when I went to get on my computer. I was horrified. I had no blog traffic. I did not get one single hit, and not one comment. I did however get 237 emails from all of my friends and family inviting me to subscribe to their new and exciting blogs. They all seemingly received a blast of creativity and creative insight. It was a terrible day. There were tons of blogs begging me to follow them and comment. Everyone was so excited about their own creativity they did not want to read me anymore. After all, who was I now?
I sat on my couch in my man-cave wallowing in depression. I stared at the wall as I accepted this horror. The whole world is ADHD. I was certain there had to be more consequences to follow this tragedy. They kept racing into my mind.
I first thought positive. Perhaps, traffic in my town would be less of a nuisance. Maybe people won’t be able to find their keys. This could result in fewer cars on the road. Perhaps littering will return as an acceptable behavior like it was back in the 1970’s. Perhaps the entire working world will decide to dismantle the idea of a working for five days and being off for two scenario, and just reverse it.
I have to say I was getting a little excited. The Idea of the whole world coming to our side seemed as though it did have a silver lining. This euphoria was short lived. While the pros were amazing the cons were amazing too, only more so.
I began to ask some different questions. How in the hell am I going to find any peanut butter? They can only make so much peanut butter, and now everyone on earth is going to eat peanut butter every day of their lives. I sure as hell don’t believe they will increase production because the peanut butter people are ADHD and now, are on a two day work week.
What about the stock market. I don’t play the stock market, but we need those Wall Street crooks to cook the books of this country so we can continue to borrow money we will never pay back. Our country would be invaded for sure if we went broke. Perhaps I am going too far. We would certainly not be invaded. How likely would it be for an entire ADHD-country to take the initiative to take over another ADHD country? The Idea of enslaving and ADHD country is ridiculous. Can you think of anything more useless than an ADHD slave?
Upon thinking further, I had come to the realization I was no longer different. There was nothing unique about me anymore. Nearly every idea I had, would no longer be considered innovative or out of the box. Nothing I could do, would seem silly, or be misunderstood by others as they once so beautifully were.
I now have nothing to offer my friends, my family, or the world they aren’t getting from countless other like-minded people. My ADHD is no longer a superpower. All that is in me and all that makes me special is now simply par for the course and I am no longer different. The whole world just accepts me and takes me the way I am. I found this to be unacceptable! I lay down in my bed and cried myself to sleep.
As I slept, this great injustice was undone. The once normal world woke up, once again as mere mortals. They got up and went to their gyms and yoga studios. They went to work and when they had problems, they waited for me to come in and determine how best to proceed. Customers came into the store in need of me. With broken pieces of their home in hand, they looked to me and exclaimed, “TOM! Buddy! You must help me to figure this out!”
At lunchtime I proudly marched to the break room and made the grandest of entrances. I entered the break room armed only with my charisma. My presence revealed to everyone, there would now be something of interest to discuss. My presence interrupted all of the typical same sh#t different day conversations, as awesomeness spewed from my lips. I figuratively walked in to a dry desert of thirsty people, and proclaimed, “I am Tom Nardone. I am a fountain of insight. Drink from me.” Order has been restored.
If everyone in the world was depressed all the time, there would be no depression. If everyone in the world was ADHD, there would be no ADHD. If everyone in the world was Tom Nardone, There would be no Tom Nardone. Do you really want to live in that world? I don’t!
I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.
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- Or you can enter you email address at the top of this page and click the button that says “BE AWESOME”
- Or you could risk never hearing from me again and go through life without the benefit of my counsel, but what would be the