Here this in further detail as I am interviewed by Eric Tivers on his award winning Podcast ADHD Rewired, by clicking right here
My wife did not want me writing about the fact we have separate bedrooms, but fortunately, it got out while we were on a Podcast together. Enjoy!
Many years ago, during the first three months of our marriage, I came home to the house after a hard day’s work. I was greeted at the bedroom door by my wife. She was holding a giant garbage bag that contained all of my clothes and a box containing my non-clothes items. She informed me that we would no longer have the same bedroom or the same bathroom. I was pretty bent up about it at first, but after further thought, a soothing calm fell upon me. It was then when it occurred to me what had actually just happened.
I had actually just been crowned as “King Awesome” and was banished to the land of awesomeburg. It was as if all my royal subjects were throwing a parade in honor of my newly realized freedoms and benefits. I would now like to share with you what was bestowed on me upon that day.
ADHD Marriage | in my kingdom, I make the decisions.
I have my own space. It is a space only I go. My space is a sanctuary for me and all of my toys which will wait all day and every day for me to come home and spend time with them. There is plenty of room for these toys. There is even room for future toy expansion in the weeks and months to come. That is because it is my kingdom, and my toys are the only toys aloud to enter.
In my kingdom are many things which make me happy. There are three giant flat-screen monitors mounted around the room, two desktop computers and three laptops. I have five guitars hanging on the walls. I don’t play them anymore, but they look incredibly bad-ass hanging there. In my kingdom, it is my vote alone, that counts as to what belongs in it.
ADHD Marriage | My kingdom is a place of refuge.
My wife is wonderful, but every now and then, she goes on a rampage. Yvonne recently opened the dishwasher upon our return from a vacation and a smell that could peel paint, filled the kitchen. She almost threw up; I saw her gag and knew there was trouble. She determined that the house was infected with cholera and went on what I like to call a “Cleaning Rampage”. She began dousing the kitchen with pure bleach. She wielded the gallon of Clorox, and no one was exempt from her wrath. The only way to win was not to play. So yes! I retreated and hid like a mouse in the peaceful bosom of my kingdom.
Sure a scared husband needs a place to hide, but it is other stuff too. How about phone calls? It really sucks listening to one side of a phone call. You are both watching TV and the phone rings. It drags on and on while the movie is paused. Now! I know this is the best time to make a run for it. Chances are the person on the phone is more important than I am at that moment.
ADHD Marriage | There are no entertainment conflicts
I used to worry if something was on TV I really wanted to see. I would ask myself if there would be a conflict of interest this evening. I feared my own programing needs would not align with my wife’s programming needs. Would she want to watch Dexter with me or would she try to convince me again that American Idol is not a bullshit reality program? These are the questions I asked myself, but not anymore.
Guess what I watch on TV today. Yep! Whatever in the hell I want to. My wife enjoys the horse-shit the networks like to churn out every week. I don’t, and because I don’t, I do not permit this type of nonsense to exist within my kingdom.
ADHD Marriage | In my kingdom I set the standards
I am also a slob, and my kingdom is very often a shit-pit. Guess how often this represents a problem for my wife. NEVER!! It used to be a big problem but my wife is very smart, and she has simply learned to stop entering the kingdom of Awesomeburg. If she needs me she will simply send for me. Brett will come up and tell me I have been summoned. We used to have a doorbell in my room. The button for which was in my wife’s room by her night stand. I think she lost it or threw it away when I did not answer her once.
ADHD Marriage | In my kingdom time is not a factor
I stay up to insane hours. Sometimes until 3:00am. I get into a movie, a TV show or a story I am writing. I used to worry if my I saw my wife was tired. “OH SHIT!” I would say to myself. I hoped she wouldn’t be going to bed early tonight because I really wanted to play my new video game I got and if she went to bed, I can’t play call of duty with the rest of the kids in the country tonight.
Well, in the kingdom of Awesomeburg, I can game all night and into the morning. I can turn up the volume and talk smack on my Xbox headset as I obliterate complete strangers on a newly downloaded map, or kill zombies with my online friends.
ADHD Marriage | Disaster Strikes
Recently while on vacation, peace was temporarily disrupted. When we got to our hotel room, I remember opening the door and my wife said, “look Tom, separate beds!” I looked at her and smiled.
It was during our second night, I was awoken by a snarling sound and it really did scare the shit out of me. It was not a lion as I had thought. It was my wife. My wife is beautiful. She is every bit, the delicate flower and virtuous woman. I love this lady to pieces, but I did not know she was capable of making noises like this. I was so afraid I thought she was about to die. I jumped up and woke her.
Women apparently do not enjoy being woken up in the middle of the night and told they are snoring. They also don’t like being asked questions about their breathing. They want to be left alone, and just be allowed to sleep. It did not go well for Tom this night. I was not in my kingdom; I was not the king and was therefore spoken to like a peasant boy.
My kingdom is a custom built fortress of solitude. It is designed to comfort and sooth me. When I am thirsty for fun, rest or excitement, it is there that I find a river of it. Ah yes! “The Great River Indulgence”, flowing without the pollutants of the things that annoy me. From it, flows the apathetic and approving waters when I need a period of procrastination or complacency. It is my oasis of homeostasis.
It’s also the only room in the house where I have any power or am allowed to make any decisions.
The truth is I love my wife more than I love myself, and I love the shit out of myself. Separate bedrooms allow us time to be by ourselves and it makes the time when we are together more special. Whoever said absence makes the heart grow fonder was right.
When me or my wife have a tough day and want to be alone, separate bedrooms allow for this concession. It gives us both freedom and I think it prevents a lot of arguments. Yvonne and I almost never fight. Perhaps there is something to this.
I think many husbands and wives are divorced today because they did not have a place to take a timeout. I think being in the same bedroom provided a territorial dynamic that prevented either of them from leaving, thereby prolonging the arguments that may have led to their divorce. I am sure I must be right about this.
I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.
Here this in further detail as I am interviewed by Eric Tivers on his award winning Podcast ADHD Rewired, by clicking right HERE
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