ADHD People | Don’t Just Award People the Title of Asshole, You Make Sure They Earned It.


It is a part of life for some of us with ADHD to be misunderstood. When we offend or rub others the wrong way through what we perceive as a normal exchange during a conversation or an interaction we cannot help but feel bad.

When ADHD people do this, they often retreat to groups who will give a sympathetic ear and do what they can to console or support the person who has been involved in this incident. I am glad to know there are places we can go for this type of support when needed.

I hear of this type of thing happening several times a week. What I find truly sad is when this happens among us. I think as ADHD people we should be more understanding when one of our own acts as an asshole. We are very quick to judge.

Now, just twenty minutes ago, while eating in my man-cave, I spilled some of my dinner on my futon and then just brushed it onto the carpeted floor. Now, does this make me a slob? Of course not; I am slob because this happens frequently and I rarely care enough to do anything about until weeks or months later.

If I had ran downstairs and grabbed the vacuum cleaner and sucked all of this mess up, would I then be considered a neat freak? The answer to that is NO! Even if I did this, I would still be sitting in a room that looks like this.


You see you have to earn the right to be called a neat freak by a sustained period of behavior that is consistent with keeping your shit picked up. You don’t get that title for a single act of cleanliness. As with being considered a slob, you must also earn this title. When your shit is scattered around the house in disarray and you have established a track record of complacency and indifference toward neatness, then and only then can you rightfully be called a slob.

This is true of many characteristics of human behavior, except for the characterization of asshole.

You can be a great person. You can be the most caring and understanding person the world has ever known. Let’s say you were the priest at your local Catholic Church. You have that one day, when things did not go your way. You said the wrong thing to the wrong member of the congregation and that is all it took. You might just as well have taken a shit, in the collection plate, and risk being burnt at the stake.

The world seems far too eager to jump on someone who for the most part might be a decent person every other day of the year.

Here is some truth for us all. ADHD people have enough shit going on that they are expected to care about. We have bills, kids, grades, job-shit, and all the other things that make life so wonderful.

In spite of all these things many ADHD people manage to make themselves available to be in groups and laugh and joke and entertain other ADHD people in an attempt to relax and enjoy what little time they have left before they have to go to bed and do all this shit over again the next day.

So the next time you think someone has been an asshole to you, give them a break and realize their life might have been just as shitty as yours was that day and maybe they have dealt with enough bullshit and therefore don’t really have any need of you to dump more on their plate in the forum of ridicule. If you don’t like something maybe you can just scroll down and discover someone who is less of an asshole.

I accept if you are a first time reader on this blog and you might not like me. I am a little different than most. You see many people enjoy saying, “I don’t give a shit what people think!” when they actually do care very much. While I prefer for everybody to love me, I accept the fact not everyone will. If you don’t like me than you owe it to yourself to log the hell on off my site and never return. It is okay.

I think ADHD people are impulsive when they speak. The problem is ADHD people are impulsive when they hear. Perhaps waiting a day or two would be helpful before jumping to conclusions about someone who has not really earned the title of asshole.

NOW! It is absolutely possible for an ADHD person to just be a complete and total asshole that the world could definitely do without. Having ADHD does not give you an asshole pass to be who you are and aggravate the masses with impunity.

All I am saying is make sure that this is truly who this person is before you decide to burn them at the stake.

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.


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About Tom Nardone

I write about everything that I can find humor in. I don't write about politics because I don't care what group of people are chosen to destroy this country. There are enough people doing that anyway.
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21 Responses to ADHD People | Don’t Just Award People the Title of Asshole, You Make Sure They Earned It.

  1. Jade Reyner says:

    Sage advice as ever Tom, although I do have to admit that I shake my head every time you post pictures of your man-cave 😉

  2. ksbeth says:

    ‘i am a little different than most.’ – an understatement tomnardone and why you are so enjoyed by so many. the others can move along. no harm, no foul. you have a gift. it may be wrapped in a package that some don’t understand how to open or what to do with it when they peek inside, but it is a gift none the less.

  3. Gina Pera says:

    Where do you buy zees…asshole pass?

  4. Danielle says:

    I think getting old makes you care less about what others think. I kinda still care what the asshole with the cuffs and toy assault rifle thinks when I’ve made him angry in front of his peers. And when they all take a step back at once I care what they think in that moment. But just in that moment. Being nice isn’t always coming from my good side. It can start there, or from fear, and end up coming from one of the most evil parts of me – the one that knows how hard the asshole is working to impress his peers by thinking he’s intimidating a stupid little boy who has been dealing with the asshole for weeks and has some rather surprising skills and education and knows thy enemy well… And knows there is no neutral ending to this exchange and being polite, letting the asshole think whatever the hell he wants yet somehow taking none of the bait and sidestepping every trap is absolutely showing the people the asshole is trying to impress just how much of an ass he really is and enjoying every second of it once the terror was gone… That’s pure evil. Being nice to people, when we have the self control, will show what they really are. Most are good people having a shit day. But laughing with the people gently making fun of a problem you know you have after they’ve sort of felt you out first is good practice for the good people having awful days and treating you like shit. It boosts their mood and your self esteem to be nice to them.

    And maybe you can get to a point where you are consistently nice to the real asshole and happen to get the timing right so he shows everyone how much of a coward and an asshole he really is and realize what’s going on and just get more polite and respectful while standing your ground and smile genuinely because everyone can see what he is because you … did absolutely nothing but stay nice and stay out of trouble and picked one hell of a bully to stand up to considering it’s your first time ever and an unusual way of doing it. I really didn’t mean to embarrass him like that I just don’t like being cuffed by an asshole with an ego too big for his britches but honestly I did enjoy every second of him looking like an idiot in front of all his peers he was trying to impress once I realized this was just not going to end well. It really didn’t even though I WON and I wish I could say I made him look like an idiot but really he did it all by himself. I just let him, maybe enabled him a bit but he is the one who chose to up the ante in front of everyone. There have been consequences. Like I said before, I knew there was no good ending to this but damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

    I guess that makes me an aashole too but you know what? I don’t really care. I’m evil and proud of that.

    Being nice gives people the chance to show who they are and if they’re an asshole, it highlights the fact. Bonus. So if you have a truly evil mastermind running the show like I do at times, be nice! It’s totally worth it.

    I find things can go two ways when dealing with others who have similar issues. Either a lot of understanding and laughter and a nice conversation with someone who can keep up with the rapidly changing topics and half finished things that eventually come back into the conversation . . . OR it degenerates into hostility quickly. Being nice helps the first one happen more. That doesn’t mean you have to be GOOD though.

    So yeah, let your dark side show and be nice to those potential assholes. It’s totally worth it…

  5. Spoke to Glen Hogard earlier tonight – were your ears burning? I requested the link to jump STRAIGHT to this article, so here I am.

    @Gina Pera – I want one of those asshole passes too! I have tended to keep too tight a rein on my “dark side” [lol] for most of my life – and I’n long overdue for some no-holds-barred commenting to folks who have deserved same ALL ALONG!

    Just pinned it to my ADD/EFD LOL Board, Tom. I hope you know I am a big fan of your writing, even when I’m too busy bailing out my leaky boat to check in and let you know.

    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to educate a world!”

  6. Tom Nardone says:

    Madelyn Thank You so much. My ears were not burning but it is nice to hear when i am talked about. It seems like I got a friend request from Glen Logard last week or something. I have not had a chance to find out more about him Yet.

    I will make you a pass tommorow.

  7. Tom Nardone says:

    Oh and thank you for the kind words too Madelyn. You are awesome

  8. Sometimes Tom you astound me, you are profound. I think though we can all be a little of both, we all of it in us. By the way your man cave has nothing on my office, nothing.

  9. Clubber Lang says:

    Preach, brother. Your mancave looks a lot like mine except guns hang in place of the guitars and a can or two of Kodiak lies where the Newports rest. ADD is both a blessing and a curse, but if we’re all serious with ourselves we wouldn’t have it any other way … nor could we. Keep up the good work.

  10. Amber says:

    Hhh mm maybe using youre adhd as an excuse to be an arsshole? Im ADHD my partners ADHD and yup with out meds total arsshole… Sometimes…. But still feels bad, still apologises, and still feels regret… But still got to be aware of how youre treating others, bad day or not…. We all make mistakes but its those of us that try not to offend those we love and reflect on our differences that make all th difference…

    Now for youre room take youre medication and clean it up!!! If you cant see probley, you wear glasses dont you? Well medications th exact same for ADHD… Is Debilitating with out medication, it keeps you clear minded! Sharp minded, focused, Motivated and more aware of youre surroundings 😃 not to sound bitchy but clearily youre messy room needs cleaning… lol classic ADHD with out medications! Good luck!!!

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